Sunday, March 22, 2009

old emails

I'm putting together a book of old travel emails from my family and found this funny exchange between me and Isaac. It's old but I thought I'd share. BTW, at the time we were planning on making some sort of preserved octopus display like one we saw at Paxton's Gate.
Kerry: What do you think of the jar I'm watching on e-bay? There is no embossing except on the bottom!
Isaac: Pretty sweet! We would have to cover the top, but will probalby want to do that in any event anywho
BTW, do you have Micheal's phone number? The window people need it.
Kerry:I don't sorry.
The jar comes with a cover, right?
Isaac: it looked like it did
Kerry: then what chew talkn' bout?
Isaac: about obfuscating the top, so it doesn't looksie likes a cuuntry jar :)
Kerry: that's an old timey octopus jar and lid!!! those are very rare

We got the jar and now it's sitting under our kitchen sink.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The ol' Photoshoppe

When I was just a boy I remember Pappy taking me down to the Photoshoppe for some 5 cent filters. If I had been especially good he would ask Mr. Smith, the shopkeeper, to let me touch the gradients. "Don't tell grandma, this is our little secret" he'd say with a wink. Years later I was driving past where the Photoshoppe used to be, and there was a big Walmart there. I guess you can really never go home again.

quit complaining

I am skilled in illustration, photoshoppe, and fashion critique. You can judge for yourself. Except that there will be no judging of this blog! This is Craftyk-o-vision and you will like it!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I hate when people dress as if the two halves of their body are going to completely different climates. Today I saw a woman wearing teeny tiny shorts (Not obscene butt-cheek showing pants, but almost). She was wearing cowboy boots with white knee socks,and..... a winter coat and scarf. WTF? I mean really. She looked crazy. We Live in SAN FRANCISCO and it is always CHILLY here. Even today, which was sunny and more of a light jacket day than a winter coat day, was not a teeny tiny shorts day. I would be a lot less judgmental about the entire outfit if she had committed to the costume and worn a little tank top and flip flops. Then I would have wondered how she wasn't cold, and maybe chalked it up to natural body temp or something. But the winter coat and scarf were a dead giveaway that she was freezing. and a whore.

I have included a image I photo shopped of the bikini girl from American Idol wearing ski pants (to show the reverse outfit) as well as a picture I drew of the girl I saw today. I did not have my camera with me. But, as you can see, I did have some free time today.

I love a nice orderly line

What is it about lines that makes me want to get in them? And is it just me? I was walking to the farmer's market for lunch today, itself an interesting experience. Example: a man was handing out free samples of peanut brittle and telling people "try some, it could be your last chance at happiness" and he was so earnest when he said it, like he really believed it, and there appeared to be no one selling any peanut brittle at the farmer's market today. So perhaps it was a misguided attempt at socialization, or an art project, and not a "sample" as I first assumed, but I digress.
anyway, I had to walk past the Orpheum theater and saw a small mob of people descending on the ticket booth. There were about 40 people already in line, with expectant, eager faces. And I tell you, I was almost drawn into that line. never mind that they mostly show musicales at that theater, and I hate musicales. In fact, there was a huge banner advertising "Wicked" above the door, which was probably the only thing that stopped me from queuing.
This isn't the first time either, one time I passed a Mexican bakery that had a huge line at the door (never mind that I hate Mexican baked goods), and I almost got in that line too. My fist thought was "what are they selling that everyone wants?" and my second thought was "there's something in there that everyone wants, thank god I happened by!" I still don't know what they were selling, and it haunts me. Why can't I just let other people have stuff I don't have? I don't know. It's probably the smug look on the faces of everyone in line, like they know that if I decide to get in line they will be way ahead of me.
It's probably a good thing I don't have kids. Which is really quiet an understatement, if you know me well at all. But one of the reasons is I know, I'm sure, I would be one of those moms lined up at Walmart on black Friday at 5am to get the tickle me Elmo. I would be the one you read about in the paper, trampling some poor worker while I fight over the last doll. Hands off, fuckers. That Elmo is mine!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Hands off ladies, he's all mine

Isaac just left for class complaining of a stomach ache. I was worried that maybe it was a wrong choice on my part to buy bento boxes for dinner (we were in a hurry). he assured me that no, the upset stomach was from lunch. He started out by saying, and these were his exact words: "I got an email from Armadillo Willie's, 'cause I sometimes eat there". What? I was too speechless to ask how on earth "Armadillo Willie's" got his email. but I digress. Anyways, he proceeds to tell me that they sent him a "delicious" looking photo of a chili cheese dog, which by his own admission is "dangerous" but is also something he hadn't had "in a really long time". sigh. He said by the last bite he felt like "ughhhhhhh". I told him I was going to post it on our blog and he was like "what?! Don't do that! I'm not proud of this" which made it even funnier, hence the post. I love you monkey.